


Never Going Back

by anakins_bugs



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Body Swap, Happy Ending, M/M, Missing Scene, Post canon, Tw for sexual harassment (verbal), follows the tv show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-06-28 10:05:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19810057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakins_bugs/pseuds/anakins_bugs
Summary: Missing scene of Aziraphale-as-Crowley stripping for the bathtub and Aziraphale feeling protective of CrowleyAlso then Aziraphale puts the “Fear of Crowley” in Hell





	1. Chapter 1

Aziraphale’s request to take off his jacket was a gut reaction. Crowley miracled his clothes into existence, and there was no way he’d miss a plain black jacket, but it still felt wrong to let anything happen to the jacket. 

He knew he’d made a mistake when the demons started to snicker at him. 

“If you’re going to give us a show, do make it a good one. Strip.” Beelzebub flatly ordered. 

Aziraphale wondered just how far Hell would go. In theory, they would have no mercy and would apply the worst of their perfected torture techniques, but, other humiliation, nothing much had happened yet. 

He pulled off the jacket and folded it nicely. He raised an eyebrow to Beelzebub. 

“I know you heard me the first time.” Beelzebub sneered. 

Aziraphale used one of his feet to anchor his shoe while the other foot slipped out and repeated this. He left his socks on, as the floor of Hell wasn’t particularly clean. Aziraphale would hate to return this body in anything less then perfect condition. 

As he reached for his shirt, he burned with shame. The demons were obviously delighted by this and their increasingly lewd jeers showed it. 

Despite what his audience believed, he had no shame about this body or the fact that he was forced to show it off. Crowley’s body could illicit pride and lust from Aziraphale, but never shame. 

To pull off a convincing switch, Crowley had to radiate the love that Aziraphale did. This was not a difficult task. Crowley had plenty of love to give and receive. Love for Aziraphale and humanity and Alpha Centauri and everything else that promised Crowley forgiveness. 

Aziraphale did not struggle to radiate evil. All he had to do was think about Crowley and all the suffering his fallen angel had gone through. For the entirety of his descent into Hell, he thought about all the things that he’d once hoped were part of the Plan. He thought about Crowley in the Garden, still hoping he’d done a good thing. He thought about the children standing outside of the ark. He thought about Crowley calling himself unforgivable. 

Perhaps it wasn’t evil in the human sense of the word. Aziraphale radiated the evil of questioning God and defying Her. 

And now shame radiated from him. 

Aziraphale felt shame for all the times he let Crowley come here. Shame for how long it took him to love Crowley. Shame that just days ago he wasn’t on Crowley’s side. Shame that he couldn’t protect the best angel he knew. 

He did not allow himself to wonder what Crowley’s other visits to Hell had been like. What they’d been like in the early days, before humans became cruel on such a wide scale, before Hell had any respect for Crowley. He did not think about what life must have been like for Crowley when he was the runt of the fallen angels, when he was the one who never committed to the cause, when he was just some punk who thought Satan was cool from a distance. 

He stood in his undershirt for a moment before he started to unzip his fly. 

He held a straight face as the taunts got more personal. He felt hate burn through this body. 

“I bet your boyfriend loves what’s under there!” One of the demons called out. 

He hated this. He hated how Hell turned Crowley’s body into a public exhibit. He hated how Hell turned their relationship into a demon tempting an angel. He hated how Hell saw love as cowardice. 

He felt acutely aware of the Archangel Michael watching him, radiating anything but angelic love as he stood in just his underthings. 

“Cruelty” was perhaps the word for what was in the air. 

Beelzebub approached him. Ever so lightly, Crowley’s glasses were pulled off. 

“Tell me this,” Beelzebub droned “do you fuck him like a demon or a lover? Do you take what you want from him? Do you punish him? Because I suspect-“ 

Beelzebub dropped the sunglasses onto the ground. 

“-that you go soft on him. When you fuck your angel, does he ask you to keep these on? It doesn’t matter how good he thinks you can be.” 

Beelzebub stomped on the glasses, and the shattering of metal and glass echoed around the room. 

“You can’t hide who you are. You’re a demon. You’re going to die a demon.” 

Aziraphale was at his breaking point. He’d gone along with the humiliation so that Hell wouldn’t suspect anything was amiss, but he’d had enough. 

He stepped backwards to the bathtub slowly. He lowered himself in, careful to leave his socks outside of the water. 

He basked in the shock and horror of the demons. He splashed holy water. He gave a cliche little monologue and made Hell agree to leave his beloved Crowley alone. He put his clothes back on and walked out of Hell. 

When he returned to Crowley, he put aside his anger. They swapped back bodies and enjoyed a good natured day of celebration. 

When the evening came, Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to leave Crowley’s side. He knew Crowley would deal with the events of the week the best way he knew how: drinking and sleeping. 

Aziraphale had tired drinking, and now he was willing to try this “sleeping” thing Crowley was always going on about. 

Crowley was surprised when Aziraphale put a hand on Crowley’s thigh before he started to drive Aziraphale home. 

“I was thinking, dear, that I’d like to come home with you.” 

It would be the second night in a row that Aziraphale stayed in his flat. 

“Anything you’d like, angel” Crowley responded. 

Crowley felt like he was living in a dream. He’d pictured Aziraphale in his bed so many times, but never quite like this. Never with his arms wrapped around his angel’s torso while Aziraphale stroked his hair. He’d never imagined how much love he would feel. He’d never thought Aziraphale would whisper in the dark to him. 

“Darling, you’re never going back down there.” Then Aziraphale tightened his arm around Crowley and his touch in Crowley’s hair became even more gentle. 

“I’m never going to let anybody drag you back down there, Crowley.” 

Crowley was certain that Aziraphale thought he was asleep. Aziraphale hadn’t told him exactly what happened down in Hell, but Crowley hadn’t told him about Gabriel shouting at him and telling him to die. Crowley knew the moment Gabriel finished his “I’m the archangel fucking Gabriel” rant that he would do anything in his power to keep Aziraphale away from the cold cruelty of Heaven. 

Crowley didn’t let Aziraphale know he was awake. Whatever happened, Aziraphale would tell him when he was ready. 

In 6000 years, Crowley had never been married, but he imagined that the overwhelming love and safety that he felt in Aziraphale’s arms tonight was pretty damn close to what it felt like. 

They were on their own side now, and they couldn’t be safer. 


	2. Sides

They were on their own side now, and they couldn’t be safer. 

Crowley had known for 6000 years that Heaven was just Hell with cleaner floors. Way before he’d ever tempted Eve, Heaven destroyed Lilith because she refused to lie beneath Adam. There was no mercy at the hands of angels. 

Still, he expected better for Aziraphale. 

His angel was a right bastard, but Aziraphale really was good. He loved Aziraphale from the moment Aziraphale told him about giving away the sword. His instinct to protect Eve and her unborn child was so powerful that it overcame orders from Her. 

Aziraphale wasn’t perfect. Crowley had seen him stumble plenty of times, just as Crowley himself had. Funny thing was, Aziraphale’s mistakes came from listening to Heaven. 

As they’d laid in Crowley’s bed the night of the Almost-Apocalypse, Aziraphale had spoken freely for the first time in 6000 years. They knew Heaven and Hell would come for them. They hoped they would have a lifetime of freedom after they pulled their body-switch stunt. But they couldn’t be sure. They couldn’t be sure they’d survive. They couldn’t be sure they’d be left alone. 

They both knew that if they had any last words, tonight was the night. 

When they were truly alone, when the door to Crowley’s flat shut, the first words out of Aziraphale’s mouth were “I love you.” 

The first thing out of Crowley’s mouth was a soft sob. This was followed by a flurry of touching and clothes and motion. 

Crowley’s eyes stayed misty as he lost the glasses and stumbled with Aziraphale to his bedroom. 

He found his voice as they found the bed. 

“Oh, angel.” Crowley whispered as Aziraphale gently lead him to lie on the bed. 

As Aziraphale rocked into him, Crowley felt as free and loved as he ever had. It was better than anything he’d known in 6000 years on Earth. It was better than what he’d known before his Fall. 

He wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s shoulders and crossed his ankles over his angel’s back. He gently stroked the white curls as he told him over and over: “I love you.” 

After, they laid in bed, still clinging to each other. 

“You know, dear,” Aziraphale began. “I think Heaven got it terribly wrong.” 

Crowley blinked at him with yellow eyes blown wide. 

“Isn’t that what we told Adam twelve hours ago?” 

“It was. I wanted you to hear it again, from me. Heaven was wrong. Is wrong. What they did to you. Wrong. I’ve been dancing around it for years and years, but I was on the Wrong side.” 

Crowley sat straight up, tongue forked, feeling more like a beast than he had in years. 

“Don’t sssssay that. Don’t assssk to Fall. It’ll burn through everything you are. Hell will have your corporation and I don’t know how I’d get to you-“ His voice raised with every word. 

“I’m not talking about Hell. I’m talking about you. I’m on the Right side now, yours.” 

Crowley slumped over Aziraphale’s chest. He was stressed from their day, and stressed about the next. The idea of Aziraphale Falling had haunted Crowley for years. He thought he was hearing it from the mouth of Aziraphale himself. It would break him for his angel to go through it. 

Crowley was filled with nervous energy as they began the next day. He didn’t know when it was coming. He couldn’t protect his angel when the time came. They had to have faith in each other. Crowley believed in Aziraphale, but he didn’t know if he could believe in himself. 

He’d rather take any punishment in Hell than go up to Heaven. He silently hoped Heaven and Hell would cut a deal with each other and give them each other's traitor to kill. He’d be far more comfortable in Hell. They’d do the same thing Heaven would, but they wouldn’t pretend it was righteous. 

He hadn’t seen the white of Heaven since it had opened up beneath him. 

In the end, they gagged him and pulled him up to Heaven. As if it wasn’t an evil thing to do so long as the victim couldn’t scream. He’d seen Hell knock Aziraphale-as-him out. The sight filled him with sympathy for his angel and jealousy as he was forced to take the main entrance to Heaven. 

They kept up the righteous charade for most of the ordeal. Until Gabriel snapped. 

Crowley was slipping in and out of character. Aziraphale wouldn’t have any harsh words, so Crowley didn’t use any, But Aziraphale wouldn’t have to atone for his sins. Aziraphale had firmly recanted Heaven to Crowley, and Crowley really should have stuck to that. He should have kept his mouth shut instead of muddying the water. 

Still, he brought up the greater good. He started to argue his side through logic and questioning and doing the “right thing”. 

But he had Fallen for that. And now, 6000 years later, it earned him Gabriel’s wrath. 

Crowley stepped into the flames. 

He was angry. Angry with Heaven for his Fall and for how they’d treated Aziraphale. He knew it was stupid to provoke the archangels, but he couldn’t resist the temptation to be a little showy. Someday, Aziraphale would confess that he splashed Holy Water and Crowley will grin at how well his angel knows him. Today, though, he tunes back into Aziraphal’s prim personality. He steps back from the fire. He takes the main exit to Heaven. 

And when he sees his angel, the first thing he says is “I love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Also I know Lilith is part of Jewish tradition not Catholicism but neither is “the seven deadly sins” so we’re playing fast and loose with the source material

**Author's Note:**

> Let it be known that despite what hell thinks, Crowley is most definitely not a top and he sure does not treat Aziraphale with any cruelty! Crowley makes love  
> Please do not challenge me on virgin Crowley bc i have strong feelings about it  
> you can find me at mountainvampire on tumblr


End file.
